Recruiting Season: There’s No Crying in Accounting

Posted on by Caleb Newquist

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I'm in need of some serious help. Tonight was one of the most humiliating experiences I have had in recent memory. It was "Meet the Professionals" night at my campus. 30 national, regional, and local firms were in attendance. What went wrong? I didn't approach or talk with a single firm representative the entire 45 minutes I was there. My problem? What the hell am I supposed to talk to these people about? I am a Junior, which means I have a whopping 3 weeks of actual accounting curriculum under my belt. Obviously I am not going to be able to have any kind of technical conversation with these people. Another problem I have is that I'm more informed than most accounting students are about how the recruiting process actually works because I read accounting blogs, accounting forums, etc. So I don't feel comfortable asking the dumb or really basic questions. What are some semi-informed questions I could ask these people? What are some conversation starters? I feel like if I could at least start a conversation with these people I would be able to at least keep it up. But what the hell do I open with? Please help GC. I feel utterly depressed, dejected, worthless, and humiliated and I want to cry.
Okay, Junior. I'm going to breakdown your little sob story and hopefully you'll realize how silly this is:
 
I'm in need of some serious help. Tonight was one of the most humiliating experiences I have had in recent memory. – The occasional humiliating experience is good for you. The sooner you realize that laughing these off is the way to go, the better off you'll be. I'm not suggesting you starting soiling yourself in front of colleagues on a regular basis to increase your tolerance but at least try to avoid FREAKING OUT. Yes, emailing Going Concern in a fit of anguish qualifies as freaking out. That's okay though; we love this stuff.
 
I didn't approach or talk with a single firm representative the entire 45 minutes I was there. My problem? What the hell am I supposed to talk to these people about? – Were all these people unattractive and/or smell like the monkey house at your local zoo? Have you ever interacted with another human being? Try chatting up some comely person at one of the booths to find out what they do at their firm. Ask them questions. Answer their questions. ACT INTERESTED (it's better to be sincere, but I know it's hard sometimes). This is how other humans behave.
 
I am a Junior, which means I have a whopping 3 weeks of actual accounting curriculum under my belt. Obviously I am not going to be able to have any kind of technical conversation with these people. – I got news for you, they don't want to have a technical conversation with you. I get that some of you people like discussing what you would write in your comment letter on the latest release from COSO but most people at these events don't give a baker's fuck. Any student that approaches a campus recruiter and starts jabbering about something technical is going to get a blank stare until you shut up. After you walk away, they're going to look at their colleagues wide-eyed and silently mouth, "WHAT. THE. FUCK?"
 
Another problem I have is that I'm more informed than most accounting students are about how the recruiting process actually works because I read accounting blogs, accounting forums, etc. So I don't feel comfortable asking the dumb or really basic questions. – Oh, Christ. Congratulations on being "more informed" than everyone else. So I guess these firms should just pull an offer letter from their secret stack that they keep around JUST IN CASE someone like you came along and wowed them because you are ALL OVER THIS. But since you said exactly nothing, not even "Hi," to anyone, how could they possibly know that you're such a bright and informed recruit? Should they have just known by looking at that thoughtful gaze in your eyes and ran right over to you? At the very least you could have done this:
That would have helped.
 
What are some semi-informed questions I could ask these people? What are some conversation starters?  – I don't know, maybe try the polar bear joke? Or maybe "Hello"?  As far as questions are concerned, this isn't the White House briefing room so you can ask simple questions. "What do you like about your job?" and insist that they don't say, "the people." Everyone says that. It's a bullshit cop-out answer. If they SWEAR to you that "it's the people" then ask specifically, "which people and why?" Most people like talking about themselves so if you make it personal and not just about the firm, you'll get more interesting answers, and thus, more interesting conversations.

Please help GC. I feel utterly depressed, dejected, worthless, and humiliated and I want to cry. – Sigh. Refer to the headline.

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Back to intern 2.0:

Hi Caleb,

I started my 2nd internship recently, with a national firm, and I quickly noticed that everyone I worked with last year has left the firm.

By everyone, I mean all 5 of my seniors and another staff member. Is this common? At this rate I shouldn’t even bother learning people’s names, as I’ll work with them once and never see them again.

Thanks,
Concerned intern

Dear Concerned Intern,

Truth be told, this mass disappearance of your superiors can only mean one thing – they found out you were coming back for your second tour and concluded that they would rather take their chances with the job market than spend another waking minute with your amateur ass.

Okay that’s probably not true at all but depending on the size of your office, six people could be a lot or a little. Offices like New York, Chicago, L.A., San Fran, Silicon Valley can lose six people in one day and no one bats a green eyeshade. If you’re in Kansas City or Memphis, six people could be the staff from an entire line of business and that can cause some managers and partners to have a nervous breakdown. So generally, there should be a inverse correlation between your concern about colleagues disappearing and the size of your office. But to put into an even broader context, you shouldn’t worry about people leaving PERIOD. Why, you ask? Cries of “It’s going to mean more work for me!” or “Busy season will suck even worse!” are common but people need to realize – this is the nature of the beast. People get burned out or laid off OR find a great job in-house somewhere OR suffer death by bindering (akin to stoning).

In other words, this is the business, kid. People leave. You’ll meet them, you’ll work with them, you may hate or love them but eventually most people jet. It’s just a matter of when and how.

Tax Associate Who ‘Can’t Handle’ Public Accounting Searching for Options

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I’m a first year tax associate at a mid-tier firm and after running through my first spring and fall busy season of working 70-80 hours a week, I’ve basically come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is “not my cup of tea”. The reasons are pretty typical, no life, managers hate me, don’t like the people, the culture is toxic, if you leave at 8:00 pm you feel like the world is watching you leave, etc. etc. For those who want to say “well you just couldn’t handle it”, you’re absolutely right, I couldn’t. I [also] know a number of associates in numerous service lines at the end of their respective first year just find that their job is not for them. My question is, what kind of outs do people in this situation have? I know that the option to transfer to another service line and the standard “just grind it for another year” are typical responses, but what other options are there? And how do recruiters view those who have only one year of experience at a public accounting firm?

Thanks!

-OneFootOutTheDoor


Dear OneFoot,

At the beginning of your letter you sound as though you were engaging in a little self-loathing. Sort of like, “Nobody likes me. I’m a pathetic human being because I can’t find it in my heart to LOVE public accounting. What do I do?” Then you admit that there are others around you that hate it as much as you. This surprises no one. Accounting firms see this happen every year: a first year associate realizes quickly that this isn’t their ‘cup of tea’ as you put it. If you’re truly as miserable as you sound, the fact that you made it through both the spring and fall tax seasons is impressive. We’ve seen associates turn in their papers less than six months on the job.

Does this make you a terrible person doomed to a lackluster career that would make Milton Waddams look like an employee of the month? Of course not. You mention the popular options “transfer to another service line” or “grind it out another year” and we agree that they don’t make a damn bit of sense if you’re simply over public accounting.

Realistic options for you are to start talking to professional recruiters and be honest with them about your situation. No recruiter worth their salt is going to say, “Can’t help you kid, move back in with your parents.” They’ve seen others like you – public accounting wasn’t a good fit and you want out stat. The reality is that because your experience is so brief, you might end up in another entry-level position; the sooner you accept that as a possibility, the better. That being said, what you must, must, must, must do OneFoot is give the recruiter a good idea of what you want to do. We know that doesn’t include public accounting but what kind of job would you really like? Knowing that will go a long way helping them get you the job you want. Until you can answer that questions honestly, you’re not going to be happy in any job – public accounting or otherwise.