We all know accountant salaries are woefully low — even your grandma knows accountants don’t get paid well now so maybe she’ll slip an extra fiver in your next birthday card — but this job posting sent to us on Twitter is perhaps the lowest of the low ball offers. So low ball it would make a 92-year-old man’s nuts jealous.
They’re seeking a corporate controller with a bachelor’s in accounting or finance, a minimum of 10 years’ experience, and the usual Office proficiency one would expect in a controller with at least a decade in the biz.
Additionally, it’s a “fast-paced environment” which we know translates into “dumpster fire” because no one can do their fucking job and therefore yours is constantly harder.
In this role, the experienced and stress-free controller will be expected to manage the day-to-day activities of the accounting department (is there an actual department or just one mature woman doing payroll who cries herself to sleep while cuddling a bottle of wine every night?), develop policies and internal controls (which means there aren’t any so have fun cleaning up that mess on your first day), rendezvous with the external auditors, review payroll and AP/AR (“review” probably means “do”), create budgets and forcasts/projections, ensure the business is complying with tax regulations and filing requirements (again, this likely translates into filing them but at least then you’ll know it was done and properly), and conduct financial analysis with all the copious amount of free-time you have left.
Oh and you will be promoting a positive work culture for the accounting team. Good luck with that because Barbara in payroll reached and surpassed the end of her wit long ago. It will be your job to lecture her on the dangers of mixing benzos with that nightly bottle of pinot grigio. Daily. While she sobs like a Sim with a perpetually blood-red plumbob.
Salary: $30,000 to $48,000 a year. I’m not joking.
Benefits: “competitive salary and bonus structure.” They really wrote that.
I sincerely hope this is a typo.